“I was thrilled that the traditional shackles of woman as homemaker were being tossed aside.”
Childfree Story: Judi, 65, USA
“I am a 65-year-old divorced, African American woman from Oakland, California. Even though I am retirement age, I have no plans to retire as I run my own business which is a wonderful creative outlet for me. Being a business owner is sometimes like being a mom!
I am an only child, which was highly unusual for a two-parent African American family in my generation, so at an early age I was already exposed to what it was like to have a different lifestyle from others. The movie ‘Auntie Mame’ showed me that you can make a powerful impression on children, without having the responsibility of being their mother. In my late twenties I became involved in a mentorship program for troubled teens.
There were several things that lead to my decision. First, my mother was the oldest of six, and although she didn’t realize it at the time, she sent a subliminal message to me about how much work children are. Secondly, I came of age just as women started to be a force in the workplace and I was thrilled that the traditional shackles of woman as homemaker were being tossed aside.
Along with this new mindset was a soaring divorce rate, and I was terrified of the idea of being a single mom in the event that my future husband and I divorced. Although my parents have been married for 65 years, I felt the odds were not in my favor of having such a long marriage given my new-found independence. I got married late in life to a man who was also childfree and had no desire to have children of his own.
It helped that I grew up in Los Angeles, although I was born in Tennessee. Had my parents stayed in Tennessee, I would have felt more pressure to have a ‘traditional’ lifestyle. I am the only one out of all my cousins who did not have children.
I have traveled extensively to four continents, I run my own business, own my own home, am an Airbnb host - these are just a few of the ways that my life is full. I have been a Buddhist for 30 years and I love salsa dancing. I hate to cook, so enjoy eating out and have the means to do so.
I have friends of all ages, races and sexual orientations which keeps me vibrant and active. I do want to get married again but I have NO REGRETS about my decision to not have children.
PS Thank you for the work you are doing to change the paradigm of what it means to be a woman who is childfree. I sent your work to so many of my friends and they were so GRATEFUL. You are showing that there are many ways to be ‘fertile’ besides having chiildren.”
I love hearing stories such as these
Thank you to Judi for graciously sharing her story. She is truly an inspiration and a shining example of someone who has built a full and fulfilling childfree life with no regrets.