“I don’t know how to want something that would completely rewrite the life I already love.”
Childfree Story: Natasha, 37, Latvia
“I’m turning 37 next month, and lately I’ve been feeling an enormous pressure - not from society, my parents, or friends (I’m lucky to have truly amazing people around me), but from my own expectations of what my life should look like by now.
For most of my adult life, I assumed that one day I’d have kids. It was never a concrete plan, more like a general direction - something that would “just happen” eventually. I never pictured myself as someone who’d choose to be childfree. But now that I’m 37, I find myself questioning whether I actually want to have children at all.
What scares me most is the thought that one day I might regret not having them. But having a child just because you’re afraid of future regret feels like a terrible reason to bring a new person into the world.
My wife doesn’t want kids - she doesn’t even really like them. And yet, she’s the most wonderful partner I could ever ask for. She’s said she’d be willing to have a child if that’s something I truly need to be happy. But the last thing I want is to jeopardise this relationship with someone I love so deeply. A child would change everything - and, honestly, not all those changes are good for a relationship. Every example I see around me, and every statistic, seems to confirm that.
Right now, I have a great life. I’ve finally started building some modest savings, I do a job I love, we travel, and we have two amazing dogs to care for and cuddle with. We spend our free time together, making each other happy. When I imagine adding a child to that picture, I can’t help but see how all our attention would shift for the next 15 years. And I know I would miss the years of it being just the two of us.
Then, of course, comes the guilt - because even admitting that would feel like saying I don’t want my child to exist, which isn’t true at all. It’s just that I don’t know how to want something that would completely rewrite the life I already love.”
Isn't it strange that society makes us feel guilty for not wanting children?
Why don't people feel guilty for making them?
It's not as if life was super easy for children. So many children/teenagers are really unhappy and didn't ask to be born. And with the current state of our polluted planet life will only get more difficult for future children. So we shouldn't feel guilty for not making kids.
On the contrary.
Why don't we ask people who want children WHY they want children, instead of asking people who don't want children "why"....
I'm so happy to hear you have a supportive system around you. Your wife also seems to be very happy with the life you've both built. The blip you're feeling could be a result of years of conditioning and indoctrination into a system where we must follow the same route and hit milestones by X age; go to school, get a job, get married, buy a house, fill it with kids. Your happiness is real. Your life is real. If you truly don't want to change that but are fighting your own phantom expectations, it might help to talk it through with your wife and perhaps a professional too. All the best to you and yours 💚